9.09.2010

night guard, night schmard

My dork-o-meter went up this week when I got a night guard. (Disclaimer: This is one of the monotonous details of my everyday life I promised not to blog about, but am doing it anyway, so read at your own risk...)

As I was at my dentist appointment about six months ago, the dentist looked around, analyzed my bite and said I might have TMJ. He was very careful not to tell me I actually had it, however, was sure to leave me hanging enough to be a little worried for the rest of the day. After handing me some brochures, he sent me on my way.

Later that night, as I was taking a bath, reading these brochures I had this realization: Oh.my.gosh.I have TMJ! As if the 'DDS' after his name and the dark blue scrubs didn't suffice, I needed to read if for myself to actually believe it.

Can this be cured? Uhhh yeah if you want to pay $5,000. No thanks we need that money for stuff like Steve Madden boots, new tires and bike jerseys (in that order). Fine, well then can it be temporarily "fixed" for a relatively reasonable price? Sure! Easy peasy, it's called a night guard. Ok fine, I'll take that.

I had to go in last week to have impressions of my teeth taken. By the way, don't even try calling them "molds." That's old-school. They will do the thing where they correct you without actually correcting you. You know, where you say, "Do I need to come in to get molds done?" Then they follow that up with, "Yes, you need to come in to have impressions done." Don't you love it when someone repeats your sentence, only changing one word to make it obvious? Ok, I got it.

Anyway, after I got the molds taken, they called me within a week or so to come get the night guard. As I went to pick it up, I was a little disappointed. I didn't get to go case shopping like I did post braces. Remember when you got to pick out your retainer case? Now that was exciting: sparkly cases, bold cases, school-color cases, and if you were really cool, glow-in-the-dark cases. To my dismay, I was just handed a big off-white box with a NIGHT GUARD sticker on the front. Borrrring. That's not cool at all, but then again neither is wearing a night guard. Point taken.

I got home and wore it pretty much all day. I didn't care what it was called, to me it was just a night guard. I wore it to watch tv, clean the apartment, "work" on the computer and to sleep, of course. 'Count me lucky stars, this thing was going to change me life' (funnier if said in an Irish accent). I could already see myself TMJ-less, if you will, changing the world. Besides looking like an oversized, married 12-year-old, it wasn't that bad. Or so I thought...

I woke up the next morning with every tooth feeling loose.  I was afraid if I touched them, they would crumble, falling out of my mouth. Really? This is not the "fix" I was looking for. You're telling me the solution to my pain is merely redirecting it from my jaw to my teeth? Well, that's just perf.

Tate said we didn't use 3-months-worth of our miscellaneous money for nothing. (That's why you don't budget) He talked me into wearing if for 2 weeks and seeing if I get used to it. I'll let you know how it goes...

1 comment:

  1. I’m sure you know that the $5,000 you’ll spend in fixing your TMJ will give you more relief than those Steve Madden boots, new tires, and bike jersey. I think you shouldn’t wait for your TMJ to get any worse before you get it treated, especially since the night guard didn’t seem to do the trick. Still, I hope things haven't turned for the worse yet. Hang in there!

    Cynthia Bowers @ Bay Area TMJ & Sleep Center

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